On January 11th, after trying for 2 years, we found out we were having a baby. I was convinced for the next 12 weeks that it was a girl, and Ben that it was a boy. I wasn't sure if he wanted a boy so badly that he had talked himself into it being one, or if he really thought is was. On April 19th, just over 18 weeks, we found out that we were in fact having a boy! We were so excited, we went to the store and Ben picked out a couple of pairs of basketball shorts so he could dress just like him. While I was driving home from work early on the 21st, the name Karson popped in my head. We had never talked about it, but something in the name just felt right. Later that day, I went into preterm labor. It was a terrifying experience, knowing from school, that it was just too early and there would be nothing they could do. I kept asking why it couldn't have been 3 weeks later, and he may have had a chance to be around longer. I'll know all the answers to my questions someday, but I'll have to wait a while for now. In the early morning of the 22nd, Karson was born. Fortunately he had already passed, so he didn't have to struggle. He was the splitting image of his dad, with the exception of his nose, which came from me. He was 9in, 6.8oz. We looked up the average size of a fetus at 18 weeks, and it said 6.5in long, so he was long, with broad shoulders, just like his dad. We decided to take Karson to Monroe, and have a small graveside service for him. We buried him next to his great aunt Carole who was also just a baby when she passed. Having a small service provided us with some of the closure we needed, and also left us with comfort knowing that he was among family in a peaceful place. Following the service, we began to be curious of the meaning of the name Karson. After looking it up, we learned that it means "free man." We both feel like this is an appropriate name for our baby. He won't have to endure the pain of the world we live in. He will always be free.
Family Picture
Karson and his dad
I had cut all of the fabric for Karson's baby blanket the day before he came, so I had my mom make a couple of smaller ones with his fabric so we could swaddle him, and keep him snuggled.
We want to thank all of our family and friends. We couldn't make it through this difficult time if it wasn't for your support and prayers. We are still receiving flowers from family and friends. Each one brings new smiles to our faces. Thank you, they are all beautiful....
