Grateful

This past week Ben and I were thinking of all of the things we are GRATEFUL for. We've been blessed with so many TENDER Mercies from the LORD.

I am grateful for: *The Past 4 years I've had to spend with BEN, and the ETERNITY we have to look forward to (It was our anniversary Last Thursday) *The experience of becoming a MOTHER and feeling LIFE inside me, even if it didn't last as long as I would have liked *FAMILY- I can't imagine life without them and their SUPPORT *Friends- I have made so many good FRIENDS working on the Infant Unit, they have seen and supported me through some of my darkest hours (same with Ben and My Family) *Deanna and her being KIND enough to give us her 2 extra Tickets to the Mormon Tabernacle CHOIR Christmas Concert....David Archuleta was AMAZING! *That our server Messed up our order so Ben got a 16oz STEAK for the price of an 11oz *The respect and REVERENCE 30,000 people give the PROPHET when he walks in the auditorium *PEPSI, and that it cures my anxiety (too bad I am quitting, AGAIN) *For the Lesson My GRANDMA gave me in making DIVINITY, which also makes me grateful for Electric Mixers! *Last But not Least, Jesus CHRIST and the ATONEMENT, that through him I can have the opportunity to raise my SON someday!

I Hope you ALL have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Pain

Spencer W. Kimball Said "Being human, we would expel from our lives physical pain and mental anguish and assure ourselves of continual ease and comfort, but if we were to close the doors upon sorrow and distress, we might be excluding our greatest friends and benefactors. Suffering can make saints of people as they learn patience, long suffering, and self-mastery."

Pain stayed so long I said to him today, "Be gone!

I will not have you with me any more!"

I paused there, startled at the look he wore.

"I who have been your friend," he said to me,

"I who have been your teacher- all that you know

Of understand love, of sympathy,

And patience, I have taught you. Shall I go?"

He spoke the truth, this strange unwelcome guest;

I watched him leave and knew that he was wise.

He left a heart grown tender in my breast.

He left a far, clear vision in my eyes.

I dried my tears, and lifted up a song

Even though he tortured me so long.

By: Anonymous

Karson's Story

On January 11th, after trying for 2 years, we found out we were having a baby. I was convinced for the next 12 weeks that it was a girl, and Ben that it was a boy. I wasn't sure if he wanted a boy so badly that he had talked himself into it being one, or if he really thought is was. On April 19th, just over 18 weeks, we found out that we were in fact having a boy! We were so excited, we went to the store and Ben picked out a couple of pairs of basketball shorts so he could dress just like him. While I was driving home from work early on the 21st, the name Karson popped in my head. We had never talked about it, but something in the name just felt right. Later that day, I went into preterm labor. It was a terrifying experience, knowing from school, that it was just too early and there would be nothing they could do. I kept asking why it couldn't have been 3 weeks later, and he may have had a chance to be around longer. I'll know all the answers to my questions someday, but I'll have to wait a while for now. In the early morning of the 22nd, Karson was born. Fortunately he had already passed, so he didn't have to struggle. He was the splitting image of his dad, with the exception of his nose, which came from me. He was 9in, 6.8oz. We looked up the average size of a fetus at 18 weeks, and it said 6.5in long, so he was long, with broad shoulders, just like his dad. We decided to take Karson to Monroe, and have a small graveside service for him. We buried him next to his great aunt Carole who was also just a baby when she passed. Having a small service provided us with some of the closure we needed, and also left us with comfort knowing that he was among family in a peaceful place. Following the service, we began to be curious of the meaning of the name Karson. After looking it up, we learned that it means "free man." We both feel like this is an appropriate name for our baby. He won't have to endure the pain of the world we live in. He will always be free.
Family Picture
Karson and his dadI had cut all of the fabric for Karson's baby blanket the day before he came, so I had my mom make a couple of smaller ones with his fabric so we could swaddle him, and keep him snuggled.
We want to thank all of our family and friends. We couldn't make it through this difficult time if it wasn't for your support and prayers. We are still receiving flowers from family and friends. Each one brings new smiles to our faces. Thank you, they are all beautiful....